The Dictionary in my head defines Birthday as “A day meant
to wish people to celebrate the day of their birth. An opportunity to hear
their happy voices, to show them I remember and I care enough to make that call
once a year. A sure way to catch up atleast once every year. And mainly, the
desperate need to wish on the same day to keep the charm intact!” The same
dictionary also defines Courtesies as “Being thoughtful, polite, grateful and
nice to people!” Unfortunately, the same stupid dictionary also defines Expectations
as “Hoping people would do and be the same towards me!”
I have celebrated 6 of my birthdays with parties organised
by friends and family – surprises, candles, cakes, birthday songs, gifts, the
works! People have celebrated the rest of the 32 with me, with midnight visits,
midnight calls, gifts, flowers, greeting cards, calls all day.
Slowly over the last few years, emails would pour in too,
from people who could neither make calls nor send messages but who preferred to put a
personal note on email.
Then came FB, reminding my friends, family, acquaintances,
friends of friends, acquaintances of acquaintances with a “Today is Sailakshmi
Deepak’s birthday, write a birthday wish on their timeline!”, and gave them an
option to wish me, and they did. It was a godsend for those who would have
otherwise forgotten, a pain in the neck for people who don’t really know me, a
chance for people who genuinely care and wanted to wish me, an additional
channel for some who wanted to send me more and more wishes, a general news feed for those others who are addicted to FB and have no clue of who and
where I am, and maybe even forgot who they actually did wish, even 2 mins later!
Soon there was WhatsApp, BBM and free SMS, for people who
actually remembered and wanted to send a message to me. Over time, I saw this
perfect down-slide of personalized wishes. Finally, I ended up moving to Dubai
being completely out of bounds for local and national calls.
I have been trying to swim against this tide for too long
now. I foolishly call people and say hi only to hear a very puzzled ‘Really?
You just called to say hi?’ Then they say ‘Oh that is so sweet of you’ and get
totally chatty and it feels like old times. Or they say ‘Ok then if it isn’t urgent, I will call you
back or give me a couple of hours am in the middle of something’ and most of
the times they never call back nor do they take my second call. Also, I
stupidly call all my closest friends and family for every single birthday and
anniversary of theirs only to hear ‘Thank you, thanks for remembering and you
never fail to call!’ and we get totally chatty and catch up on stuff. Or they
say ‘Hey thanks ya, can I call you back?’ and they never ever do.
I totally understand that where there is expectation there is always disappointment. So I am a bit stunned by this feeling I am going through. FB asks me what I am feeling and I started putting up this long write up and thought it makes for a good round of rambling, so here it is.
Yes, yesterday was my birthday. It was hugely different from
the 38 I have seen so far.
My family and friends are the best, undeniably the best, but
my birthday was a totally disappointing one. Numbers don’t lie, and neither do
I.
1.
Number of people I made personal calls to, in
2013 for birthdays and anniversaries = 44
(Data from my diary where I note down
important dates and ensure I call them personally without caring about which
part of the world they are in. And ensure the kids sing a birthday song for the
ones who they know very well!)
2.
Number of Emails sent, Skype calls, Gtalk calls and
Phone calls made in 2013 just to say Hi and saying ‘I miss you’ = 200 approx. to
about 50 people.
(Data not accurate because I don’t track my
local, std, isd, skype, gtalk, talkonaut calls to see how much time and money I
have spent on keeping in touch, and understanding that people always hesitate
to make STD and ISD calls.)
3.
August 25th – My birthday (With due
respect, love, appreciation and gratitude to all those who made this effort)
a.
No. of phone calls – 5
b.
No. of Skype calls – 4
c.
No. of emails – 4
d.
No. of WhatsApp and SMS messages – 8
e.
No. of calls I made to get wished – 1 (I wasn’t desperate;
I know this forgetful friend would guilt trip herself later and I wanted to
save her from that!)
4.
Facebook Messages – Over 200, and I have
personally replied to each and every one of them. And I already said what I
think about FB wishes.
So this evening when I checked FB, it said “What are you
thinking?” I really wondered “What was I thinking?” and all those numbers
stared into my face reminding me that I am the biggest fool ever. Nobody
celebrates birthdays anymore, nobody celebrates a person anymore!
Nobody can ever give the smile on a birthday girl’s face,
when she sees the name flashing on her screen knowing a warm wish is coming her
way. Nobody can ever experience the charm of hearing the happy voice of a
birthday girl when she knowingly takes that call.
Nobody can ever hear my happy birthday voice or see my happy
birthday grin for another 364 days even if he/she tried. Too little too
late.....
And for all those who don't believe in Birthdays and Celebrating theirs....... You grew up too soon, that child in you has gone to sleep for way too long!!!
