What women's day means to me!

Today is not just the festival of colours, it is also Women’s Day! I believe everyday is Women’s Day, and I don’t think there needs to be a special day to celebrate being a Woman. I also don’t believe in Woman Power and the desperate need to be equalto men.

If I shut my eyes today and look back at the 37 years that have whizzed past, there have been so many achievements that I am proud of. At the same time, there are many incidents that have left me unhappy, scarred, but I look at them more as experiences.

As a kid, I enjoyed being a little sibling to my first sister who is 12 years older to me. I saw a mother, friend and role model in her. My second sister who is 10 years older to me brought the balance in my childhood by being the home-bound one since she is physically handicapped. She gave me warmth, silence and the much needed feeling of being accepted for the whacky kid that I was. I found it a matter of pride to be the daughter of a mother who lost her husband when I was all of 5 years old. Growing up in a household full of women, achievers in their own way, I don’t see the need to acknowledge anything special or powerful. It has become pretty much a way of life for me. An all-girls school and college gave me more opportunity to see achievers in academics, sports and arts. When I stepped out of college and went on to complete my computer course and joined work, I started having the opportunity to meet and interact with men. I realized that my perception of woman power hadn’t changed, since I continued to see that women excelled in every field.

Now I am all grown up, and outnumbered at home by my husband and 2 boys! But that only makes me feel special. In my world (which is my family), I am superwoman! I don’t need any particular day to celebrate this.

As a mother, I would love to teach my kids to respect women and try to understand the difference in the emotional build-up of a woman. Considering that they are growing up watching their father practice it, I am hoping it will be a lesson well learned.

I don’t think I will ever teach them the significance of a Women’s Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day etc. If they happen to pick it up from school, newspapers or from friends, they can get fair and true answers from me if they want to know….. but that’s about how much I will do for Women’s Day!!!

How my kids have fun while building their vocabulary!!!

My 6.5 and 3 year old boys are using big words all the time, and it is all my fault. Ever since they were born, the one thing that I have been doing consistently is talking to them like I would, to adults. Of course I enjoyed, and still enjoy baby talk, but only when it comes from them.

While this bit has ensured a strong foundation, the vocabulary building has happened over time – literally. When they have more than 5 minutes, and they know they can’t run around or play with their toys, they never say “Mamma, we are bored!” because they know that Mamma is always ready to play word games. We play while waiting at the restaurant, doctor’s clinic, drives, time on the flight, sometimes even when they are on the pot in the morning.

• Rhyme Game – My son would say a 3 or 4 letter word and we would take turns calling out a word that rhymed with it. That’s easy! But I also taught him how to find them. For example, when he said ‘try’, I would ask him to replace the first letter with another, in the order of the alphabet, so he would mouth out ‘ary’, ‘bry’, and say an excited ‘cry’, followed by ‘dry’ and along the way learnt new words (with meaning of course) like ‘pry’, ‘wry’ and so on. Now we have progressed to starting with ‘hive’ and rhyming it with ‘chive’, ‘drive’, ‘five’,  and brilliantly connect that ‘live’ can be pronounced in two different ways, and learning new and longer words like ‘naive’, ‘survive’ and so on. It is a beautiful experience.
• Beginning and Ending Game – We both would decide to make as many words as possible that began and ended with a particular letter. He would say, start with ‘p’ and end with ‘t’, and we would take turns saying ‘pot’, ‘pet’, ‘pant’, ‘part’, ‘pest’, and I knew he was thinking of words just like we did in the rhyme game – put the letters in the middle in the alphabetical order. But now, he has progressed to ‘paint’, ‘protect’, ‘prominent’, and sometimes learns on the way, that ‘primate’, ‘procrastinate’ actually end with an ‘e’.
• Association Game – This is a game that even the small one enjoys playing. He says a word that comes to his mind and the next person says an associated word (connected to the first one’s). For example, if he says ‘cycle’, his brother says ‘bell’, and I say ‘jingle’, and we go on with ‘christmas’, ‘snow’, ‘winter’, ‘wool’, ‘sheep’, ‘farm’ and it is endless fun. Sometimes you can introduce a new word here and there, since they will remember better when there is an association. Sometimes, when they come up with the weirdest of links to words, I stop and ask them to actually associate it, and it is so amusing or wondrous how they can connect so beautifully. (My small one once connected ‘pasta’ to ‘doctor’ and his association was “I had pasta for snacks in school today, and when I took the plate back, I fell and hurt my knee, and we had to visit the doctor!”) Actually, this is my favourite game, because it is simple, breezy and is enjoyed by my 3 year old as well as my 80 year old mom.
• Word Building – Say a word and the next person says another starting with the last letter of the original word. He would say ‘car’, I would say ‘rat’, and this could go on to ‘table’, ‘egg’,  ‘gas’, ’soda’, ’airplane’, ’enter’… Now we add challenges to this and just play with a theme, and the current favourite is names of cities / countries / continents – where he has to build the word and tell us if it is a city or a country or a continent…… so it would start with a lot of fun and mostly end with frustration of landing up with ‘Australia’, ‘America’, ‘Argentina’, ‘Antarctica’, ‘Austria’, ‘Asia’ and then a desperate attempt to change the theme to another favourite which is names from the animal kingdom – where he also needs to tell us if it is a bird, animal, predator, carnivore, raptor, marsupial, mammal or reptile. Over time, you could make this a Connecting Word Game and start with ‘coffee-break’, ’break-fast’, ’fast-track’, ‘track-suit’, ‘case-file’, and of course give up or go on….
• Three Letter Game – We started playing this last year when he was about 5 years old, where one player (THINKER) thinks of a three letter word (KEYWORD), and the other one (FINDER) tries to guess it by saying some more 3 letter words. Thinker now has to say 0, 1, 2, 3 depending on how many letters in the Finder’s word actually match the Keyword. Suppose, Keyword is ‘rat’, Finder says ‘sip’ and Thinker says ‘0’ (no match). If Finder says ‘not’, Thinker says ‘1’ (‘t’ matches). If Finder says ‘try’, Thinker says ‘2’ (‘r’ and ‘t’ match)…. and the Finder has to use the same letters in more words and try to find the Keyword. The rule is to use words with as many letters as the game, so you can’t use ‘pop’, ‘add’ ,’mum’, ‘tall’, ‘pasta’ etc. Over time, one can progress to challenges like finding the keyword within 20 turns, or trying to find 4 or 5 letter words, and this will keep the kids totally occupied.
• Difficult words – We play this 5 minute game where I deliberately use only difficult words when I talk to him. It could be regular conversation about anything. For example, instead of “Don’t run on the lawn!”, I say “Refrain from running on the lawn!”, or instead of “I want some water, it is so hot!”, I say “I need some water to quench my thirst!”, and I sometimes introduce idioms like “Pot calling the kettle black!” or “Cock and bull story!”. And it is so interesting to hear them ask for the meaning and try their own examples using the new words.
• Silly words – We play this 5 minute game where we make deliberate silly mistakes in grammar, pronunciation, sentence structure, word usage and giggle away until we split our sides laughing. For example, “Mamma, are we going where?”, “We is on our way in the zoo!”, “Can you pass me the remote? I am thirsty!”, “Thank you for brunging the towel!”. Although I suggest, nobody play this game too often, lest we have children forgetting the correct usage forever!

So while the dads are body building, moms are image building, let the children do some vocabulary building and have some fun at the same time! And I specifically warn all parents that these are addictive games, so all the best!!!

Is it right to write?

A month ago, I was informed by my 6 yr old son’s teacher that he needed to brush up his writing.....now, I know for a fact that he speaks very good English and is extremely fluent. With a bit of probing she clarified that she meant ‘formation of alphabets’.

His books anyway reveal many red marks and remarks on his writing. This is because he changes his font (calibri / comic sans / courier new / Georgia) from line to line. He has a logic to everything, and the one he gave me for this is – “I hate writing, so I tried to do something different in each line. Now my page looks beautiful, not really boring anymore!”  As a parent, yes, I was filled with glee that my 6 yr old was imaginative, creative, and I needed to help him explore this side of him. But as an Indian school student’s parent, I was left with no choice but to tell him that he could do all this in his rough book, but had to stick to rules (however boring and hateful they may be) when it came to his class work. The teacher herself suggested that I keep erasing every bit of incorrect formation until he gets it right.

One weekend later, he looked around for a pen that I needed, and, much to his amusement, he didn’t find one. He came back with a grin saying “There is no pen in this house, and that means, nobody writes, so why should I learn how to”? True to his observation, any writing happens on the laptop and so it set me thinking. Why don’t we just teach the kids how to type instead? He is already familiar with the qwerty keyboard, and although he uses just his right index finger, he loves typing things in a word file, and was very happy to find the spell check function. Now he is questioning the need for dictation. I am yet to figure out how to answer that.

The educational system isn’t really keeping pace the rapid evolution of human intelligence, so I started looking at games online that taught children how to type... and learnt that some states in the US have introduced typing for kindergarten kids.

Yet, just two days ago, I was chatting with a friend of mine who has a 9 yr old daughter. While we were busy exchanging notes on kids, schools, maids, classes etc, I happened to mention about the feedback that came from my son’s teacher. Up until that moment, the 9 yr old girl was completely lost in a game on her iPad with her head down, back hunched, right index finger-tip moving vigorously on the screen. She looked up now, and plainly said, “Why bother writing or typing? Ask him to use the Dragon dictate app, it just needs voice”!

Confessions

5 items in my freezer

1.       5 mini liqueur chocolates

2.       ¼ kg boneless chicken breast piece

3.       Frozen Chaat chutneys

4.       Whole spices

5.       A packet of frozen peas

5 items in my wardrobe

1.       Several plastic and steel hangers

2.       6 sarees waiting (for 7 years) to be worn

3.       Clothes

4.       Wallet

5.       Footwear

5 items in my car

1.       Music CD’s  - English / Hindi / Tamil

2.       Car tissues

3.       Ganesha idol

4.       Pen

5.       Coins

5 items in my wallet

1.       Photograph of my mom and kids

2.       Currency Notes

3.       Coins

4.       Driving License

5.       Credit Cards

5 items on my dresser

1.       Deodorant

2.       Perfume

3.       Comb

4.       Eyeliner

5.       Lipstick

I tag Rohini, Navina and Sirisha, to continue to play!!!

Arranged vs Love!

My understanding of arranged marriages is this. First, the horoscopes are exchanged, then the astrologer approves the 10/10 match. The boy’s and girl’s sides exchange profile pictures, followed by a girl-seeing session. I guess, this is more for the boy’s side to assess the girl’s wealth, culinary silks, and her interest in Bharatnatyam and Carnatic Music. The date is then fixed and they get married. If they are lucky, they will be allowed to meet up and maybe write to each other until the wedding.

Surprisingly, I seem to have seen more of the abnormal ones. The 70’s saw many love marriages in the family. Some cousins married each other. One made his sister’s best friend, his wife. While one married her colleague, another married her tuition teacher. A third married a North Indian friend of hers.

In my circle of friends too, there seem to be many who have married their childhood sweethearts, colleagues, friends etc.

My sister married a nice guy she met at a family friend’s wedding, and my other sister married our paternal cousin. I married my foodie friend from work; there seemed to be more love for food than for each other.

When somebody asks me if mine was arranged, I say no. The next statement is that it was then a love marriage, and I still say no. I think it was somewhere in between, a convenience marriage... a food bond, that progressed to a ‘I know you so well, I might as well get married to you!’  or ‘A known devil is better than an unknown angel!’ state. The two families had nothing much to say, so we ended up married.

Today, arranged marriages almost seem extinct. If at all  there is one, it seems like the girl or the guy wasn’t smart enough to find his/her own match. The compromises that one has to make to stay married (leave alone happily) these days are unimaginable. I see many love marriages falling apart, wonder how the arranged ones carry on.

In fact, 10 years ago, at the peak of my independence, I was completely against getting married. It felt like I would lose my freedom to buy whatever I wanted, eat wherever I wanted, and not worry about where I lived and what bills were paid.

I see the youngsters in the family sailing in the same boat now. They don’t want to get married, they don’t believe in love, they don’t want to live in someone else’s shadow, they don’t want to be tied down, they don’t want to have children. But, they are ok with living-in with partners, having a steady partner or just have a specific bunch of good friends to hang out with.

Is this commitment phobia? Is the society changing? Is it the financial independence that they don’t want to let go? Is it the fear of the unknown? Is it the impact of broken marriages?

I don’t really know which one..... but one thing is sure, there is no hope in hell for those lovely kanjivaram sarees sitting in my wardrobe...... they will wear out at the folds and wither away over time, and never see the light and air of a wedding hall!!!

Guilt is fast asleep!!

Rohini tagged me on Mommy guilt.

I am a night owl and fridays and saturdays are the only nights I can relax and just be me. So I totally enjoy the late mornings in bed with the blanket over my head, and the pillow snug-fitting into my doubled up frame. My kids wake up an hour earlier than school mornings, simply because they are excited about the weekend. Their dad takes care of the morning chores and the kids. If I am awake, I can hear them troubling him to brush their teeth, getting ready for their bath, potty time, etc. All the time, I just laze in bed and even if I am not sleeping...I am reading a book or checking stuff on my blackberry.

Nah, not guilty at all. In fact, if I am awake, I have a satisfied smirk on my face. Especially when I hear the Dad pleading with them and yelling at them. Topping that.....if I am called out for help, I stomp and sulk for another hour.

Am tagging Shai and Navina.....

Cars and Boys

Thirteen years ago, I would reel out the car numbers, models and colours of the cars of all my colleagues. The parking lot fascinated me, I would go up to the 7th floor terrace and see the line of cars and try and figure out which one was whose. My favourite online game was Parking Perfection (all versions). My close friends would be awed by my memory and interest in cars. My dream in life at that time, was to buy my own car and drive to work in a starched printed silk saree. Up until then, I used to think that Cars was a boy-thing.  But I realized driving came naturally to me, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

My husband loves driving too. He once drove from one city to another, for 7 hours and was visibly unhappy that we had reached our destination. He also enjoys reading up information about the technical, mechanical facts of different cars and models. He passes on a lot of this to my older son too. (Genetically and Specifically)

My older child was fascinated with his first toy car when he was 6 months old. He couldn’t take his eyes off the wheels, would lie on the floor and see the wheels (probably could count rpm too!).  He connected it with a real car only when he was about 1, probably because he had a couple of new toy cars of which he could open and close the doors.

When he was 2, and started talking, he referred to our cars, only by their names – Toyota Innova and Hyundai Getz. In about a year’s time, when he was more than 3, he used to be most excited driving around sitting in his carseat. He thoroughly enjoyed the Mumbai traffic jams (maximum of 1.5 hrs once) because he got to see so many cars around.

He gaped, ogled and reeled out the model names. While it’s true that we have ended up giving him this information all along, we were surprised at the fact that he could recognize the models from a wheel or side of the car. We had to wait for the car to pass by, so we could get a quick glimpse of the logo at the rear.

He is 6 now, and getting him out of the car in front of school is a big task. He gets all excited and starts jumping around, yelling out “Mamma, that white Skoda Superb is Krish’s car!”, “That black Honda CRV is Jay’s car, he also has a navy blue BMW, you know?”

My second one was born into a home that had a bed in the shape of a car, and two tubs full of four wheelers for toys. He is 2.5 yrs now, has started making full sentences and repeats whatever big bro says. More often than not, he has no clue of what he is repeating, but that doesn’t really deter him. If he happens to see cars on the road, he asks his brother which ones they are. And if he is travelling alone with me, he reels out model names like a pro, even though the cars don’t match. This afternoon he saw a Maruti Alto and yelled, “Mamma, theee, Hondhaa thivick”...

Our family’s most favourite movie till date is “Cars” and, needless to say, we can’t wait for June 24th to watch its sequel. While on the subject, I can’t resist sharing the conversation that these two boys had, on our way to school this morning:

Older one: Look, that is a BMW!

Younger one: Loook, dhaath ith a behind dhabaloo!

Older one: Not behind W, its BMW, if you can’t say it, its ok, say   ‘Beamer’!

Younger one: Okay, dhaath ith a beemah dhabaloo

Older one: You are a funny brother, and I love you!

Younger one: <<Grinning, giggling, gurgling.......>>