Tuesday, 4 December 2012


 Conversations I enjoyed with the feisty 4 year old in the last 2 years......

Me: What do u want to wear to play in the water?
Ayush: I don't know!
Me: Swim suit?
Ayush: No!
Me: Swim trunks?
Ayush: No!
Me: Chaddi?
Ayush: No!
Me: Then you tell me what you want!
Ayush: I will wear only my penis!

Ayush: Am feeling cold.
Mamma: Shall I switch off the fan?
Ayush: No, maybe a hug and kiss will be good.

Mamma: Can you wear your shirt by yourself?
Ayush: Yes I can! (And wears it inside out)
Mamma: Ayush look at how you are wearing the shirt!
Ayush: Oh am so sorry! I got confused! It is ridiculous!
 Mamma: (speechless.... Is this a 3 year old talking?)

Mamma: Were you a naughty boy at school today?
3 year old: Yes!
Mamma: What do you mean?
3 year old: I pushed a small boy and hit him on his head with my waterbottle!
Mamma: (In utter shock!!!) Huh? Really? Who.... When.... (Frantic short breaths).... Why..... How....?
Ayush: (Grinning) I was "joking", and telling "lies", to sound funny!!

Mamma: What do cows give?
Ayush: Cows give us milk!
Mamma: What do sheep give?
Ayush: Sheep give us wool!
Mamma: What do chickens give?
Ayush: Chickens give us eggs!
Mamma: Ayush, you are very good!
Ayush: I know one more!
Mamma: What?
Ayush: What does Ayush give?
Aryan: Ayush we are talking about farm animals and birds, not humans!!!
Ayush: Ayush gives us us yellow su-su!
Mamma: ROTFL

Location: Kids' Salon
Scene: Stylist finishes the haircut
Stylist to 6.5 year old: Ho gaya beta.
Aryan: Thank you!
Stylist to 3 year old: Ho gaya beta.
Ayush: Well done!

Ammammai: Ouch!
Ayush: It's ok!
Ammammai: I know it's ok, but it hurts!
Ayush: It's ok!
Ammammai: It is not ok, you should say "Sorry!"
Ayush: Ok, Sorry!
Ammammai: That's alright, you didn't do it deliberately!
Ayush: Yes! You know it was a mistake, no?
Ammammai: Yes!
Ayush: Then, why did you ask me to say Sorry?

Ayush crying on our way back home from school!

Ayush: Is daddy there at home?
Mamma: No, he is at work!
Ayush: (Crying) I told him not to go today. He should never go to office.
Mamma: But if he doesn't work, we won't have any money!
Ayush: That's ok!
Mamma: Then we won't have a home, food and clothes!
Ayush: Where will we go then?
Mamma: We will have to live on the streets!
Ayush: Also me?
Mamma: Yes!
Ayush: Will you, Anna and Daddy also live with me on the streets?
Mamma: Yes!
Ayush: Yay, then its ok!

Kids eating breakfast this morning!
Mamma: After finishing your toast, have your milk!
Aryan: Is the milk sweet?
Mamma: Yes!
Aryan: Then, I will pretend that the milk is my dessert!
Ayush: And, I will pretend that the milk is my ‘jungle’!

Ayush: You are a dead person!
Me (Flinching): Why are you saying that?
Ayush: Because you ARE dead!
Me: How can I be dead? I am talking to you and playing with you!
Ayush: I know that, but you are dead.... Because, Anna told me this morning that Mummies are dead people!

Mamma: Good Morning, baby! Come let's go brush your teeth!
Ayush: Give me five mins more!
Mamma: It's already late, baby! By the time we go, Anna will already be done!
Ayush: OK! I got your point!

Ayush: Mamma, Anna was about to get hurt just now!
Mamma: How?
Ayush: I will be honest, and not selfish!
Mamma: Ayush, how come you are using such big words? What's the meaning of 'honest'?
Ayush: Honest means 'I won't do it again'!
(P.S: Anna was about to get hurt because Ayush pushed him.)

Scene: Mamma driving at 7pm and Ayush fighting sleep next to me...
Mamma (Worried about him not having had dinner or shower): Ayush… no sleeping!
Ayush: Am not sleeping
Mamma: I saw your eyes closing
Ayush: That's not sleeping…. that's called blinking!

Mamma: What if I go to Chennai and never come back? 
Ayush: I will think you are dead...

Aryan laughs at something that Ayush is doing...
Ayush: Shhh.. Not another word from you!

Just when we were leaving for his painting class!
Ayush: Today I will tell teacher that I want to make a pterodactyl!
Me: What if she says she doesn't know what you mean?
Ayush: Then I will tell her it is a flying dinosaur.
Then he spoke to Aryan for a few mins and comes back and...
Ayush: Mamma, also pterodactyls are predators

Ayush: Mamma, I got hurt. See, I am bleeding!
Mamma: Awww, it’s ok. It’s a small bruise. You'll be fine.
Ayush: But the skin is gone, so put some new skin..
Mamma: What? How can I put new skin. You don't get skin... It has to grow over time...
Ayush: Yes, you can. You need to go buy it in the bakery!!

Scene: English Grammar lessons practice
Mamma: Aryan, make a sentence using 'special'!
Aryan: Hmmm.... Send me a special snack for school tomorrow!
Mamma: Good one, now make one using 'squeaking'!
Aryan: I heard some squeaking and I found it was a mouse!
Ayush: Can I make one too?
Mamma: Yes...... Make one using 'very'!
Ayush: Can I also sing?
Mamma: (Puzzled) Yes, even better!
Ayush: Why this kolaveri kolaveri di!

Ayush came rubbing his forehead and crying to me this afternoon.
Mamma: Why are you crying?
Ayush: Anna and I were playing, and he fell on me!
Mamma: What happened to your head?
Ayush: Anna damaged it...

Ayush (Very seriously): Mamma, do you have a bum?
Mamma: Yes I do!
Ayush (Genuinely surprised): Huh? Really?
Mamma: Yes!
Ayush: Then how come I've not seen it before?
Mamma: Because it is a private part!
Ayush: That's not fair!
Mamma: What do you mean?
Ayush: If you can see my bum, you should show me yours...
Mamma is still reeling with shock!!

Ayush: Can u play chess with me?
Mamma: Yes.
Ayush: Stop working, come play!
Mamma: Ok, go get the chess board!
Ayush: Here, I brought it.
Mamma: Set it up, I will come
Ayush: Here, I have set up white, you set up the black for yourself!
Mamma: Please, can you set up black too?
Ayush: How many jobs should I do? I think I have to do ten thousand jobs.

Scene: Serving Ayush some puffed rice
Mamma: Ayush, do u want kuwmuwa?
Ayush: What?
Mamma: Kuwmuwa!
Ayush: I am a baby I can't say 'wa', so I say 'wa'. But you can say 'wa' pwopely, so speak pwopely.
Mamma: Ok, Ayush! Do u want kurmura?
Ayush: See. You sound nice now. When you said kuwmuwa like me, you sounded vewy silly!

Scene: Reading Hansel and Gretel
Aryan: Mamma, you are a good Mamma. Sometimes you are naughty.
Mamma: Sorry…. Sometimes I am also bad.
Ayush (Matter of fact tone: Didn't bat an eyelid: Pointed his palm at me): That's because you are a step-mother.

Scene: Morning of a school holiday and the mother has some hope of sleeping in. Kids decide to wake up earlier than usual. Have loud conversations / giggle / argue /play / fight at 6:30am in their room. Then the 4 year old saunters into mine.
Ayush: Mamma, its morning. Wake up. Stop being so lazy!
Mamma: Please Ayush, I want to sleep for some more time.
Ayush: You are a Mamma, you should wake up wight now.
To think I make an effort to give them a nice slow loving huggy kissy wake up call on school mornings..

Mamma: Where shall we go for our next holiday?
Aryan: Let’s go to Alaska.
Ayush: Let’s go to Pangea.

1 comment:

  1. Hilarious! Smart and funny - that boy is going to go places ;)