Ayush-ism reloaded

Mamma: Happy Birthday, Ayush!

Ayush: Happy Birthday!

Mamma: Say Thank you, Ayush, you don’t have to wish me back!

Ayush: I am not wishing you, I am wishing myself!

Mamma: Oh! Why?

Ayush: Because I want more wishes for my birthday

Scene: Ayush stubbed his toe on the bathroom door ledge

Ayush: Ouch.....

Mamma saw and didn't say anything, hoping he will get over the small one

Ayush: Mamma, I just got hurt, you don't care about me?

Mamma: I do, but you didn't cry

Ayush: But it hurt badly

Mamma: Don't worry you will be ok, I stubbed my toe last morning too, and I was ok very soon

Ayush: You are an adult, so you can handle it, but I am just a baby!

Mamma is still wondering if this one is a 'baby'!!!

Mamma is sitting with Aryan for his Maths practice.

Aryan: Mamma I am unable to focus since Ayush is singing too loudly
Mamma: Ayush can you go to another room for 5 minutes
Ayush: No please Mamma I promise I won't sing
Aryan: Mamma I still can't focus because Ayush is constantly asking you questions!
Mamma: Ayush can you talk later? Or can you go to your room for 5 minutes?
Ayush: I want to be here in your room please!
Mamma: Ok then stay silent for 5 minutes, no singing no talking.
Ayush: Can I atleast breathe?

My 8 yr old just proved he is getting close to preadolescence! Conversation between him and his 4 yr old brother!
Aryan: I have asked daddy to rent a 6 bedroom house next time. (Spoilt brat)
Ayush: Why? We always take 3 or 4 bedroom! (Puzzled brat)
Aryan: Because, soon I am going to need a room of my own! (Proof 1)
Ayush: Oh! I am going to need an 8 bedroom house! (Need to compete)
Aryan: Even if I need a room of my own, the whole family will be comfortable with 6 bedrooms so why do we need 8 bedrooms? (Logic driven)
Ayush: The 8 bedroom plan is not for our family! It is for me, for when I grow up and live on my own! (Perpetual forethought)
Aryan: Why do you need 8 bedrooms to live alone? (Not environment conscious, just jealous!)
Ayush: I won't be alone, I will be marrying many people! (Progressive for a 4 yr old)
Aryan: Yuck! I will never get married. (Proof 2)
Ayush: Why?(Shocked)
Aryan: Because it is a silly thing to do! (Proof 3)
Ayush: Then you won't also be able to have children! (All babies are so cute)
Aryan: I don't want to have children either! (Proof 4)
Ayush: Why? (Shocked again!)
Aryan: Because, anyway children hate parents and parents hate children! (Proof 5 & 6)

Ayush: Mamma when you were a child did you play on the iPad?
Mamma: No baby. When I was a child there was no iPad or computers!
Ayush: Why not?
Aryan: Because Mamma was a child in the olden days
Ayush: Woah! Mamma you are so lucky!
Aryan: No Ayush she was actually unlucky
Ayush: She was lucky Anna! She must have lived with dinosaurs and travelled in the titanic!
(And I am hoping this has nothing to do with my speed greying!)

Annual holiday officially starts......... and here is a conversation at the dinner table....

Aryan: I want to be on a holiday forever
Daddy: Wish I could too, but not possible
Ayush: Why not possible?
Mamma: Because if you are always on a holiday, you cannot work, and if you cannot work, you cannot earn money and then you cannot go on that holiday.
Aryan: I don't want to work, I can manage by begging all the time
Ayush: I don't want to beg, because then I will have to live on the streets
Mamma: So, Ayush, will you work hard and earn money?
Ayush: No, I will always take pocket money!

Now, if only life was that simple....... WTF did we grow up? WTF do these kids need to grow up?

Aryan: Mamma, is this Dhokla home-made or ready-made?

Ayush: What is the meaning of ready-made?

Aryan: Something that is ready to eat that we can buy from the shop or restaurant.

Ayush: So if Mamma gives us food it is home-made and when Daddy gives us food it is ready-made. Is that correct?

Mamma: Woo-hoo…..

What happens when you have a forty year old trapped in a four year old boy? And a mother who constantly needs to remind him to come back to reality and stop wanting to be in a movie all the time?

The four year old says, "I am now going to switch off the volume of this noisy movie called Mamma!"

8 year old: Mamma, what did the cannibal say to the man who irritated him? 
Mamma: Cannibal said 'Stop it!'
8 year old: No, cannibal said 'You are going to get into hot water!'

4.5 yr old: I don't want to have lunch at the table today!
Mamma: Why not?
4.5 yr old: Because it is a 'dining' table!

On Mother's Day Ayush decided to give me a name that he would call me by forever - ogre 

While trying to teach Ayush to use fork and knife he told me "mamma wait you are tying my hands up!"

Me: Why are you sounding so rude, baby?"

Ayush: I don't know! I was born like that!!

Some questions at the Dining Table:

1. Can you please make blue coloured khichdi?

2. Does the agency put babies in a packet when giving to parents?

3. When I was in your tummy what was my address?

4. Is ear wax made out of olive oil?

5. Is salt made out of cayenne pepper?

6. Can I name my first daughter 'Whiskey'?

Me: What do u want to wear to play in the water?
Ayush: I don't know!
Me: Swim suit?
Ayush: No!
Me: Swim trunks?
Ayush: No!
Me: Chaddi?
Ayush: No!
Me: Then you tell me what you want!
Ayush: I will wear only my penis!

Ayush: Am feeling cold.

Mamma: Shall I switch off the fan?

Ayush: No, maybe a hug and kiss will be good.

Mamma: Can you wear your shirt by yourself?
Ayush: Yes I can! (And wears it inside out)
Mamma: Ayush look at how you are wearing the shirt!
Ayush: Oh am so sorry! I got confused! It is ridiculous!
 Mamma: (speechless.... Is this a 3 year old talking?)

Mamma: Were you a naughty boy at school today?
3 year old: Yes!
Mamma: What do you mean?
3 year old: I pushed a small boy and hit him on his head with my waterbottle!
Mamma: (In utter shock!!!) Huh? Really? Who.... When.... (Frantic short breaths).... Why..... How....?
Ayush: (Grinning) I was "joking", and telling "lies", to sound funny!!

Mamma: What do cows give?
Ayush: Cows give us milk!
Mamma: What do sheep give?
Ayush: Sheep give us wool!
Mamma: What do chickens give?
Ayush: Chickens give us eggs!
Mamma: Ayush, you are very good!
Ayush: I know one more!
Mamma: What?
Ayush: What does Ayush give?

Aryan: Ayush we are talking about farm animals and birds, not humans!!!
Ayush: Ayush gives us us yellow su-su!
Mamma: ROTFL

Location: Kids' Salon
Scene: Stylist finishes the haircut
Stylist to 6.5 year old: Ho gaya beta.
Aryan: Thank you!
Stylist to 3 year old: Ho gaya beta.
Ayush: Well done!

Ammammai: Ouch!

Ayush: It's ok!

Ammammai: I know it's ok, but it hurts!

Ayush: It's ok!

Ammammai: It is not ok, you should say "Sorry!"

Ayush: Ok, Sorry!

Ammammai: That's alright, you didn't do it deliberately!

Ayush: Yes! You know it was a mistake, no?

Ammammai: Yes!

Ayush: Then, why did you ask me to say Sorry?

Ayush crying on our way back home from school!

Ayush: Is daddy there at home?
Mamma: No, he is at work!
Ayush: (Crying) I told him not to go today. He should never go to office.
Mamma: But if he doesn't work, we won't have any money!
Ayush: That's ok!
Mamma: Then we won't have a home, food and clothes!
Ayush: Where will we go then?
Mamma: We will have to live on the streets!
Ayush: Also me?
Mamma: Yes!
Ayush: Will you, Anna and Daddy also live with me on the streets?
Mamma: Yes!
Ayush: Yay, then its ok!

Kids eating breakfast this morning!

Mamma: After finishing your toast, have your milk!

Aryan: Is the milk sweet?

Mamma: Yes!

Aryan: Then, I will pretend that the milk is my dessert!

Ayush: And, I will pretend that the milk is my ‘jungle’!

Ayush: You are a dead person!
Me (Flinching): Why are you saying that?
Ayush: Because you ARE dead!
Me: How can I be dead? I am talking to you and playing with you!
Ayush: I know that, but you are dead.... Because, Anna told me this morning that Mummies are dead people!

Mamma: Good Morning, baby! Come let's go brush your teeth!
Ayush: Give me five mins more!
Mamma: It's already late, baby! By the time we go, Anna will already be done!
Ayush: OK! I got your point!

Ayush: Mamma, Anna was about to get hurt just now!
Mamma: How?
Ayush: I will be honest, and not selfish!
Mamma: Ayush, how come you are using such big words? What's the meaning of 'honest'?
Ayush: Honest means 'I won't do it again'!
(P.S: Anna was about to get hurt because Ayush pushed him.)

Scene: Mamma driving at 7pm and Ayush fighting sleep next to me...
Mamma (Worried about him not having had dinner or shower): Ayush… no sleeping!
Ayush: Am not sleeping
Mamma: I saw your eyes closing
Ayush: That's not sleeping…. that's called blinking!

Mamma: What if I go to Chennai and never come back?

Ayush: I will think you are dead...

Aryan laughs at something that Ayush is doing...
Ayush: Shhh.. Not another word from you!


Just when we were leaving for his painting class!
Ayush: Today I will tell teacher that I want to make a pterodactyl!
Me: What if she says she doesn't know what you mean?
Ayush: Then I will tell her it is a flying dinosaur.
Then he spoke to Aryan for a few mins and comes back and...
Ayush: Mamma, also pterodactyls are predators

Ayush: Mamma, I got hurt. See, I am bleeding!
Mamma: Awww, it’s ok. It’s a small bruise. You'll be fine.
Ayush: But the skin is gone, so put some new skin..
Mamma: What? How can I put new skin. You don't get skin... It has to grow over time...
Ayush: Yes, you can. You need to go buy it in the bakery!!

Scene: English Grammar lessons practice
Mamma: Aryan, make a sentence using 'special'!
Aryan: Hmmm.... Send me a special snack for school tomorrow!
Mamma: Good one, now make one using 'squeaking'!
Aryan: I heard some squeaking and I found it was a mouse!
Ayush: Can I make one too?
Mamma: Yes...... Make one using 'very'!
Ayush: Can I also sing?
Mamma: (Puzzled) Yes, even better!
Ayush: Why this kolaveri kolaveri di!

Ayush came rubbing his forehead and crying to me this afternoon.
Mamma: Why are you crying?
Ayush: Anna and I were playing, and he fell on me!
Mamma: What happened to your head?
Ayush: Anna damaged it...

Ayush (Very seriously): Mamma, do you have a bum?
Mamma: Yes I do!
Ayush (Genuinely surprised): Huh? Really?
Mamma: Yes!
Ayush: Then how come I've not seen it before?
Mamma: Because it is a private part!
Ayush: That's not fair!
Mamma: What do you mean?
Ayush: If you can see my bum, you should show me yours...
Mamma is still reeling with shock!!

Ayush: Can u play chess with me?

Mamma: Yes.

Ayush: Stop working, come play!

Mamma: Ok, go get the chess board!

Ayush: Here, I brought it.

Mamma: Set it up, I will come

Ayush: Here, I have set up white, you set up the black for yourself!

Mamma: Please, can you set up black too?

Ayush: How many jobs should I do? I think I have to do ten thousand jobs.

Scene: Serving Ayush some puffed rice
Mamma: Ayush, do u want kuwmuwa?
Ayush: What?
Mamma: Kuwmuwa!
Ayush: I am a baby I can't say 'wa', so I say 'wa'. But you can say 'wa' pwopely, so speak pwopely.
Mamma: Ok, Ayush! Do u want kurmura?
Ayush: See. You sound nice now. When you said kuwmuwa like me, you sounded vewy silly!



Scene: Reading Hansel and Gretel
Aryan: Mamma, you are a good Mamma. Sometimes you are naughty.
Mamma: Sorry…. Sometimes I am also bad.
Ayush (Matter of fact tone: Didn't bat an eyelid: Pointed his palm at me): That's because you are a step-mother.


Scene: Morning of a school holiday and the mother has some hope of sleeping in. Kids decide to wake up earlier than usual. Have loud conversations / giggle / argue /play / fight at 6:30am in their room. Then the 4 year old saunters into mine.
Ayush: Mamma, its morning. Wake up. Stop being so lazy!
Mamma: Please Ayush, I want to sleep for some more time.
Ayush: You are a Mamma, you should wake up wight now.
To think I make an effort to give them a nice slow loving huggy kissy wake up call on school mornings..

Mamma: Where shall we go for our next holiday?

Aryan: Let’s go to Alaska.

Ayush: Let’s go to Pangea.

Me: Ayush, be gentle with Anna’s car

Ayush: Everyone has to learn to share.

Me: And you have to learn to talk.

Ayush: I already have!

Me: Ayush, please step out of the room, Mamma needs to change.

Ayush: So, why should I step out?

Me: Because you should not see people changing.

Ayush: But you have no private parts!

Me: What do you mean, you have no private parts?

Ayush: You told me, remember? That you don’t have a penis?

Scene: This morning when he was sitting on the pot.... Was pensive for a bit and then.......

Ayush: Mamma, are you ok?

Me: Yes. 

Ayush: Are you sure?

Me: Yes, why?

Ayush: Are you feeling unwell?

Me: Not at all, but tell me why!

Ayush: You have been very well behaved, and haven't shouted at us.

Scene: Waiting for a blood test at the clinic. Pointing to the laboratory.....

Ayush: Mamma, did you see that?

Me: What?

Ayush: That pathologist is testing someone's su-su.

Scene: Real estate agent is walking in with prospective tenant into our Mumbai home to show him the place

Ayush: Who is that?

Mamma: He is an agent.

Ayush: What does he do?

I gave him the answer and both of us went back to what we were doing while the agent took about twenty minutes

to look around, and finally said bye and left.

Ayush: (Vocabulary is very strong, yet stumbles here and there) Mamma, has the oxygen left?

Mamma: Who? Oxygen? What does that mean?

Ayush: That man who helps people find homes...... you told me he is a real estate oxygen!!

Scene: We went to pick up some reports from a nursing home nearby. He met a very old, extremely frail, nightie clad lady walking in the corridor. She asked him a few questions about his school, class, teacher and he chirpily answered her. Then.....

Ayush: Is this your home?

Old lady: No, this is a nursing home!

Ayush: Then, why are you wearing a nightie?

Old lady: Because I am unwell and I am admitted here.

Ayush: Why, what happened to you?

Old lady: I had fever and pain in the stomach, so I am getting treated here.

Ayush: Do you have pain now?

Old lady: Yes, I have pain, and I am old.

Ayush: Are you going to be better soon?

Old lady: I don't know.

Ayush: Then, why don't you just die?

Old lady: That is what I am waiting for.

Ayush: Good!

We are walking around in the park. Mamma: Come let's go up and come walking back down.
Ayush: No, 'you' should follow 'me'!
Mamma: Why?
Ayush: Since I say so!!!


Scene: Dinner outside, orders given, and we get our food served at the table.
Ayush: Anna, what are you eating?
Aryan: Mysore Masala Cheese Dosa!
Ayush: Show me....
Aryan pushes the plate towards him, and Ayush gives it a good look, peering into the rolled up dosa and....
Ayush: Anna, but where is the Mysore??

Ayush: Mamma, will you read these two books to me?
Mamma: Yes! But I will clear up the kitchen  and come in ten minutes.
(After ten minutes I go to him and he is sitting with my book on the sofa!)
Mamma: Ayush you are waiting for me so sweetly. Thank you for your patience..
Ayush: Huh? Patience? I don't have any unwell people here with me!!