Thursday 13 December 2012

Potty Talk

An old post - actually 3 years old....

Parents are expected to teach kids that certain topics are not to be discussed in public, one important category being what happens inside the bathroom. 

My 4.5 year old has taken a fancy for talking about precisely this – POTTY. He loves the topic....and we have no idea why! Thankfully, we are subjected to the dialogues only for 10 mins a day, while he is doing the job! 

He gets very offended if we tell him firmly, not to talk about it... He assumes we don’t want him to talk at all. Then he tries haggling... “Can I say just one more sentence and then stop?”, “There is just one thing I need to say”, etc etc. So we let him finish and hope that it would be the last time we would need to discuss it. 

When we try and ignore the talk, he makes himself really really loud and clear. “Mamma, you know how much I did today?”, “Daddy, I did hard potty!” 

There are times he sounds so gross, yet funny, that we end up in splits, and that is exactly the reaction he seems to be waiting for. These times, there is just no stopping him. I am deliberately avoiding the dialogues, because I really don’t know how many of you will want to read them! But all I can say is that the descriptions that we get are comparable to the cricket commentary coming from Harsha Bhogle. 

With these different approaches, one would think that he would start losing interest, but the crowning glory is this afternoon’s dialogue, when he skipped his routine. “Mamma, my potty seems to be having too much fun inside my tummy, it is refusing to come out!” – Characterisation is the last thing we expected ... or wanted! 

Tuesday 4 December 2012

Ayush-ism.......


 Conversations I enjoyed with the feisty 4 year old in the last 2 years......


Me: What do u want to wear to play in the water?
Ayush: I don't know!
Me: Swim suit?
Ayush: No!
Me: Swim trunks?
Ayush: No!
Me: Chaddi?
Ayush: No!
Me: Then you tell me what you want!
Ayush: I will wear only my penis!



Ayush: Am feeling cold.
Mamma: Shall I switch off the fan?
Ayush: No, maybe a hug and kiss will be good.


Mamma: Can you wear your shirt by yourself?
Ayush: Yes I can! (And wears it inside out)
Mamma: Ayush look at how you are wearing the shirt!
Ayush: Oh am so sorry! I got confused! It is ridiculous!
 Mamma: (speechless.... Is this a 3 year old talking?)



Mamma: Were you a naughty boy at school today?
3 year old: Yes!
Mamma: What do you mean?
3 year old: I pushed a small boy and hit him on his head with my waterbottle!
Mamma: (In utter shock!!!) Huh? Really? Who.... When.... (Frantic short breaths).... Why..... How....?
Ayush: (Grinning) I was "joking", and telling "lies", to sound funny!!


Mamma: What do cows give?
Ayush: Cows give us milk!
Mamma: What do sheep give?
Ayush: Sheep give us wool!
Mamma: What do chickens give?
Ayush: Chickens give us eggs!
Mamma: Ayush, you are very good!
Ayush: I know one more!
Mamma: What?
Ayush: What does Ayush give?
Aryan: Ayush we are talking about farm animals and birds, not humans!!!
Ayush: Ayush gives us us yellow su-su!
Mamma: ROTFL


Location: Kids' Salon
Scene: Stylist finishes the haircut
Stylist to 6.5 year old: Ho gaya beta.
Aryan: Thank you!
Stylist to 3 year old: Ho gaya beta.
Ayush: Well done!


Ammammai: Ouch!
Ayush: It's ok!
Ammammai: I know it's ok, but it hurts!
Ayush: It's ok!
Ammammai: It is not ok, you should say "Sorry!"
Ayush: Ok, Sorry!
Ammammai: That's alright, you didn't do it deliberately!
Ayush: Yes! You know it was a mistake, no?
Ammammai: Yes!
Ayush: Then, why did you ask me to say Sorry?


Ayush crying on our way back home from school!

Ayush: Is daddy there at home?
Mamma: No, he is at work!
Ayush: (Crying) I told him not to go today. He should never go to office.
Mamma: But if he doesn't work, we won't have any money!
Ayush: That's ok!
Mamma: Then we won't have a home, food and clothes!
Ayush: Where will we go then?
Mamma: We will have to live on the streets!
Ayush: Also me?
Mamma: Yes!
Ayush: Will you, Anna and Daddy also live with me on the streets?
Mamma: Yes!
Ayush: Yay, then its ok!


Kids eating breakfast this morning!
Mamma: After finishing your toast, have your milk!
Aryan: Is the milk sweet?
Mamma: Yes!
Aryan: Then, I will pretend that the milk is my dessert!
Ayush: And, I will pretend that the milk is my ‘jungle’!


Ayush: You are a dead person!
Me (Flinching): Why are you saying that?
Ayush: Because you ARE dead!
Me: How can I be dead? I am talking to you and playing with you!
Ayush: I know that, but you are dead.... Because, Anna told me this morning that Mummies are dead people!


Mamma: Good Morning, baby! Come let's go brush your teeth!
Ayush: Give me five mins more!
Mamma: It's already late, baby! By the time we go, Anna will already be done!
Ayush: OK! I got your point!


Ayush: Mamma, Anna was about to get hurt just now!
Mamma: How?
Ayush: I will be honest, and not selfish!
Mamma: Ayush, how come you are using such big words? What's the meaning of 'honest'?
Ayush: Honest means 'I won't do it again'!
(P.S: Anna was about to get hurt because Ayush pushed him.)


Scene: Mamma driving at 7pm and Ayush fighting sleep next to me...
Mamma (Worried about him not having had dinner or shower): Ayush… no sleeping!
Ayush: Am not sleeping
Mamma: I saw your eyes closing
Ayush: That's not sleeping…. that's called blinking!



Mamma: What if I go to Chennai and never come back? 
Ayush: I will think you are dead...


Aryan laughs at something that Ayush is doing...
Ayush: Shhh.. Not another word from you!


Just when we were leaving for his painting class!
Ayush: Today I will tell teacher that I want to make a pterodactyl!
Me: What if she says she doesn't know what you mean?
Ayush: Then I will tell her it is a flying dinosaur.
Then he spoke to Aryan for a few mins and comes back and...
Ayush: Mamma, also pterodactyls are predators


Ayush: Mamma, I got hurt. See, I am bleeding!
Mamma: Awww, it’s ok. It’s a small bruise. You'll be fine.
Ayush: But the skin is gone, so put some new skin..
Mamma: What? How can I put new skin. You don't get skin... It has to grow over time...
Ayush: Yes, you can. You need to go buy it in the bakery!!


Scene: English Grammar lessons practice
Mamma: Aryan, make a sentence using 'special'!
Aryan: Hmmm.... Send me a special snack for school tomorrow!
Mamma: Good one, now make one using 'squeaking'!
Aryan: I heard some squeaking and I found it was a mouse!
Ayush: Can I make one too?
Mamma: Yes...... Make one using 'very'!
Ayush: Can I also sing?
Mamma: (Puzzled) Yes, even better!
Ayush: Why this kolaveri kolaveri di!


Ayush came rubbing his forehead and crying to me this afternoon.
Mamma: Why are you crying?
Ayush: Anna and I were playing, and he fell on me!
Mamma: What happened to your head?
Ayush: Anna damaged it...



Ayush (Very seriously): Mamma, do you have a bum?
Mamma: Yes I do!
Ayush (Genuinely surprised): Huh? Really?
Mamma: Yes!
Ayush: Then how come I've not seen it before?
Mamma: Because it is a private part!
Ayush: That's not fair!
Mamma: What do you mean?
Ayush: If you can see my bum, you should show me yours...
Mamma is still reeling with shock!!


Ayush: Can u play chess with me?
Mamma: Yes.
Ayush: Stop working, come play!
Mamma: Ok, go get the chess board!
Ayush: Here, I brought it.
Mamma: Set it up, I will come
Ayush: Here, I have set up white, you set up the black for yourself!
Mamma: Please, can you set up black too?
Ayush: How many jobs should I do? I think I have to do ten thousand jobs.


Scene: Serving Ayush some puffed rice
Mamma: Ayush, do u want kuwmuwa?
Ayush: What?
Mamma: Kuwmuwa!
Ayush: I am a baby I can't say 'wa', so I say 'wa'. But you can say 'wa' pwopely, so speak pwopely.
Mamma: Ok, Ayush! Do u want kurmura?
Ayush: See. You sound nice now. When you said kuwmuwa like me, you sounded vewy silly!



Scene: Reading Hansel and Gretel
Aryan: Mamma, you are a good Mamma. Sometimes you are naughty.
Mamma: Sorry…. Sometimes I am also bad.
Ayush (Matter of fact tone: Didn't bat an eyelid: Pointed his palm at me): That's because you are a step-mother.


Scene: Morning of a school holiday and the mother has some hope of sleeping in. Kids decide to wake up earlier than usual. Have loud conversations / giggle / argue /play / fight at 6:30am in their room. Then the 4 year old saunters into mine.
Ayush: Mamma, its morning. Wake up. Stop being so lazy!
Mamma: Please Ayush, I want to sleep for some more time.
Ayush: You are a Mamma, you should wake up wight now.
To think I make an effort to give them a nice slow loving huggy kissy wake up call on school mornings..


Mamma: Where shall we go for our next holiday?
Aryan: Let’s go to Alaska.
Ayush: Let’s go to Pangea.